So I decided to start writing letters, to anyone...

Sometimes Susan, Roselin, or Erie writes but most of the time, it's Fida. mail

Sunday, 11 October 2009

Finally I understand

I really hate going to Indralaya, I don't know why they built university in the middle of vilages. It's very isolated. And currently, I'm hating that place. If it's not for my both parents and education's sake, I won't go to that place. Third semester is very different, my feeling toward certain things is very different as well. Maybe it's just the growing up, blergh I don't know.


I burst to tears last week, I felt like I've been carrying this burden. Very heavy. And now I feel lot better, though there are lots of stuffs that need to be fixed and to start over, I'm doing fine. And because of that, I finally realized that I've been wrong for the past 3 years. I think, since I came back to Indonesia in 2006, I always tried hard to make everyone happy with everything I did and decisions I made. I've done them for people's happiness not mine. And look where am I ended up at?

It's like, this is not where I am supposed to be. I made plan A and B, but ended in G, you know what I mean? How about my passion of becoming a doctor? haha, never actually said that loud eh? no matter how scared I am with blood, I want to be a doctor. I tried once, I failed, and stop trying. That is wrong. I'm scared of failure which is fcuking stupid, I'm such an idiot. People learn from their failures idiot! I blame myself for that. I follow what people said, I listen too much to what they said. I try to make them happy.

Now, with everything I've ended up with, I have to face and enjoy them and try my best to survive. I won't go with the flow anymore. I go with my heart. I take people advices and filter them first, I do everything for my happiness not theirs. Yes, I am selfish. But, I think it's time to save myself (Quoted from: Saving Francessca, Melina Marchetta).


  1. eheheh gue kirain lo kuliah di luar juga. uda mau nulis comment, dulu lo dimanaaaa? hahahah xDD tapi quote nya bagussss banget! gue sukaa. esp bagian terakhirnyaa :D :D

  2. aww, i'm glad to hear that at least you're okay! tell me all about one day, heart-2-heart talk will help. :) i wish i could be there for you! it's just this phase we're going through.. adolescence. it's confusing, i know how that feels.

    seems like we're walking around in circles, but one day our minds will break free and we'll gain the courage take the next turn when it's time for us to be free. :)