So I decided to start writing letters, to anyone...

Sometimes Susan, Roselin, or Erie writes but most of the time, it's Fida. mail

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

a round up, a letter

I am Susan and I write so that you know how I am doing. And I write so that you know that I search. This is my report, my complaining board.

You didn’t reply my third letter and I didn’t hear anything from you, we just stop exchanging words. To make it worst I stop seeing you. I thought after the second letter everything went perfectly fine, that we finally met and start exchanging words, but I was wrong, it doesn’t last long.

I was scattered and as I put myself together we had our first chance to just talk for an hour or less about anything. It wasn’t a coincidence, it was something I planned and it didn’t go quite well, you were busy with your own thing and I was too busy being nervous, but I finally found out the reason why you stop replying my letters: you’re tired. I was too numb to ask another question or to go in to the details, you are tired means everything means nothing to you and it was a waste of time.

And as I mentioned it before it becomes worst because I stop seeing you. I usually see you and we would just stare or share smiles but I haven’t receiving those lately which is suck. I thought I was fine; not receiving letters from you and not seeing you, but all this time I was pretending to be fine. And it’s not fair. Cause I’m the only one that search for you in the crowd, hoping that you’d show up but you don’t. I would wait and pretend that we meet by accident when it was just something I made up. It’s not fair because I’m the only that feel missing and you’re fine out there.

So I write this. I write in hope that you read and you change, in hope that I’ll be just fine and in hope that I feel less missing. I write because I want to let go, I write because I want you to know and I write because I feel miserable and I want to be free.

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