a round up, a letter

I am Susan and I write so that you know how I am doing. And I write so that you know that I search. This is my report, my complaining board.

You didn’t reply my third letter and I didn’t hear anything from you, we just stop exchanging words. To make it worst I stop seeing you. I thought after the second letter everything went perfectly fine, that we finally met and start exchanging words, but I was wrong, it doesn’t last long.

I was scattered and as I put myself together we had our first chance to just talk for an hour or less about anything. It wasn’t a coincidence, it was something I planned and it didn’t go quite well, you were busy with your own thing and I was too busy being nervous, but I finally found out the reason why you stop replying my letters: you’re tired. I was too numb to ask another question or to go in to the details, you are tired means everything means nothing to you and it was a waste of time.



And as I mentioned it before it becomes worst because I stop seeing you. I usually see you and we would just stare or share smiles but I haven’t receiving those lately which is suck. I thought I was fine; not receiving letters from you and not seeing you, but all this time I was pretending to be fine. And it’s not fair. Cause I’m the only one that search for you in the crowd, hoping that you’d show up but you don’t. I would wait and pretend that we meet by accident when it was just something I made up. It’s not fair because I’m the only that feel missing and you’re fine out there.

So I write this. I write in hope that you read and you change, in hope that I’ll be just fine and in hope that I feel less missing. I write because I want to let go, I write because I want you to know and I write because I feel miserable and I want to be free.

Day 5- Roselin

Remember Roselin? No? Yes? Never mind. She's back.

I’m dangling, but you don’t know.
I sacrifice so much and you don’t know.
I’m on sale, you give me a glance.
Believing we are the two molecules that
Are waiting to collide.
Well, my belief is fading.
We are the two of a kind, they said.
Like a magnet,
When north meets north,
They’re opposing each other.
And I don’t believe that.
You’re slow, just take your time.
I’m no good in waiting but I do still wait.
I guess, I’m a stuborn.
Eventhough it’s fading, I still believe
we are the molecules that are waiting to collide.
And right now, we just lost our ways.

Susan's third letter

Dear You,
We've finally come in to contact and we've been exchanging words for months now, I'm the happiest person on earth, I tell you. But then, you got me asking, what's next? After all those words, what's next? It'll be a lie if I say I don't have any expectations (cause I got a lot) but I try to be calm, I prepare myself for the worst that can happen; a crash landing. Well, stuff that, I don't think you got a slight idea of what's next either. Let's just be in the flow together.

Dear You,
You've probably already knew that I love stories. And to tell you the truth, I've been keeping these stories to myself all this time. Waiting for the right person to listen to all of them and I want it to be you. I guess I can start by telling you my dream last night. Last night I dream, I was in East and Middle Java and I was running. In my dream, I was going to go to Jogjakarta but stop at those two provinces. I was running as I discover the beauty of those places. I don't know what that mean, but I've always wanted to go to those places after I finish high school but I was never allowed. The places were beautiful.

Dear You,
I guess I haven't ask how you doing, I'm too excited in telling my stories, hehe. So how are you? I know you're perfectly fine and doing good but you can tell me how you feeling, I want to hear your stories. We can always share, remember?

Dear You,
I hate to end this letter but I have to. I hope you are out there, reading this, and realize that this actually about you.

Love,
Susan

p.s. please learn how to read between the lines...

Susan's first and second letter.

Susan

Then I write, I just write, I keep on writing, and the letters never reach you.

Introducing Roselin

I don't feel comfortable though
One moment, I'm high and animated
When I'm back, I'm the living dead.
A phantom

Living like an artist
Go out and play a character
Then back, mourn over a self,
feeling exhausted.
This is not what I've planned to become

All the shows and the masks,
I'm tired of all this
I've been trying to find me
Zilch, I got nothing.
or maybe this is the real me;
with dozen of person inside of me
I am lost

//

So couple of days ago, I stumbled upon this great blog, and she post something about a give away held by this kind person. She'll send a book; 'Wreck this journal' and British chocolates for the winner. So, if you interested you can enter the giveaway here. Good luck!

Susan's second letter

And if you dont mind
Can you tell me all your hopes and fears
and Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

Deeper conversation- Yuna

Dear you,
That song is on repeat and it representing my first letter. I hope you get a chance to hear it.

Dear you,
I hope you are out there reading this.

-Susan

//

In my previous post here Susan's hair was short, well now it's longer.



She's skinnier and looks messier. Blame the college works.

Susan's first letter

here

Dear you,
I don't know why am I writing this, but I guess I just need to tell you something about us or erm how we're going to do it and in this case, from my point of view. I don't need us to meet everyday, no, we have a life don't we? and we don't need to tell each other where we're going to(do you agree?) but I'll make sure I'll send you how-was-your-day message at the end of the day and we'll share stories.

Dear you,

You will hear the most uncommon things from me and you will tell me your random stories. I'll take lots of candid pictures of you and have one folder just for you. In some days, we would go around the town discovering something or just drive no where. I'll try to bring food for us and you will eat like a horse. And we would tell stories to each other non stop.

I do love stories.

Dear you,

This is only the first part, the beginning. I'll write more later. If you wanna say something, please write back.

Dear you,

I hope you are out there reading this.

-Susan

Two faces

This is Bree, she may looks pretty, but bad bad personalities.

You see, patience has its own limit and mine is already over. I can't control my emotions, I'm sorry, I'm not perfect you see.
,
I can not 'feed' you the whole time and you should not count on me. When I have to choose between rescuing myself or helping you, I'll choose the first option. Yes, I am that selfish. We are all ugly.











+++

We studied at my house.
Laugh a lot, eat a lot, talk a lot, study little, confuse much.
I think this is what we're going to miss the most when we leave college.
I still have 2 exams to go.

Pak kumis

Freshly new

Previous blog address doesn't suit me anymore, so I go with something more personal as the 'url' which is my own name. More personal, hopefully will update more often. I imported all the archives from my previous blogs since 2006. And as you can see, there's missing archives, 2005 and 2007 archives are gone cause I stupidly deleted them -.-" I leave you with my doodles.


I made this one in 2008. It was meant to be a call-out that has 'dream' saying on it, but one of my friends said it looks like a head so I added some kinda punk hair on it.


This one is Susan.
"Know what's the suckiest feeling right now? The most uncomfortable situation? is when you try to convince people who are worried about you that you're alright when deep down, you know that you're not"- Susan.

They aren't great, but I love making one. I'll be uploading one soon along with my updates.