.

I am trapped in the labyrinth of my own thoughts/
I fly myself to the 7th sky and let myself float in the outer space/
But gravity works against me, pulling myself down and crash me to the ground/
My body shattered and I was numbing/
I'm crushed, but not burn//

Hello September

Time has brought us to experience new things and meet new people, some of them remain till today. And for the past three months countless things had happened ; the ups and downs.

And I'd like to give credit to myself, for being such a brave a girl that I could be, for swallowing the ego and pride to just talk and be honest about the way I feel. Because I finally realize that being honest and letting out the feelings are much better than trapping them inside. I never regret any single moments, I never regret meeting every single persons, especially knowing and finding out all the details of a person.

Today is September and I give time time, to do its work

We're shining bright like golds

I'm having fun at being 20, really. But then, I'm lacking in here and there and not to forget that I've completely changed. Till today, I don't know whether it's good or not but I've learn so much. And being 20 means you have to make your own decision and take full responsibility of them. You starting to work on your life plan that you've designed like, where and with who you will be or what will be you doing, so on and so forth. I might be scared by the decisions I take or things I do now, but like Mark Twain said: "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do" Well, we'll see.

Setumpuk keluhan yang sama

Awal tahun 2011 saya janji sama diri saya sendiri untuk berhenti mengeluh, tapi, demi Tuhan susahnya minta ampun. Post kali ini adalah setumpuk keluhan yang sudah lama saya pendam, selamat membaca (bagi yang ingin membaca).

Jarak 32 km dari Palembang ke Inderalaya (kampus UNSRI) biasanya cuma makan waktu 1 jam dengan bus (paling lama- bisa lebih cepat dengan mobil pribadi apalagi motor) tapi belakangan ini susah banget nyampe ke Palembang atau Inderalaya dalam waktu 1 jam, gara-gara: macet. Hari ini saya habiskan kurang lebih 5 jam di jalanan (pulang-pergi), waktu sampai kampus kuliah sudah selesai.

Sebenarnya macet itu hal biasa, dulu biasanya macet gara-gara ada kecelakaan atau truk pecah ban dan itu cuma terjadi 2 atau 3 kali selama satu semester. Tapi sekarang, macet hampir setiap hari. Yang membuat saya kesal, macet kali ini bukan gara-gara ada truk kecelakaan atau pecah ban tapi gara-gara jalanan yang rusak. Menurut saya, pemerintah yang paling bertanggung jawab dengan ini, khususnya pemerintah daerah Ogan Ilir. Seharusnya mereka tahu, kalau jalan lintas timur ini merupakan jalur utama antar provinsi bahkan antar pulau (Jawa- Sumatera), seharusnya mereka sudah tahu kalau ada ribuan truk-truk besar yang lewat setiap harinya dan jalanan buruk, berlobang dan kecil memperlambat truk-truk itu. Saya kesal dengan pemerintah karena setiap tahun memperbaiki jalanan yang bolong (disini umur ekonomis jalan dipertanyakan), saya kesal dengan pemerintah yang sepertinya melegalkan bangunan-bangunan liar dipinggir jalan yang membuat jalanan lebih sempit. Saya kesal dengan polisi yang tidak ada di setiap perempatan jalan mencegah supaya kendaraan tidak menumpuk, Saya kesal dengan pemerintah yang terlalu fokus sama pembangunan fasilitas untuk Sea Games tapi sarana infrasturktur penghubung antar provinsi terbengkalai.

Demi Tuhan, ini sudah kelewatan.

Note to a self

If it takes two to tango then I don't care if I'm the only one that do the tango now, cause there's still time. Because what we always see is what appear across the ocean not the one who stand right in front of us.

If it doesn't work now, I still have tomorrow.

Tulisan tengah malam

Sok banget judul postnya padahal baru jam 22.03 (eaa). Aneh ya, akhir-akhir ini saya sering posting 2 kali sehari. Rasanya banyak banget yang mau diceritain, tapi gak tau tiba-tiba blank aja kalo udah di depan blogger kayak writer's block gitu (sok lagi!).

Gini ya, selama seminggu kemarin ke Bengkulu eh gak ding ke Manna (Bengkulu Selatan), ke Bengkulunya cuma sehari, saya ngerasa kasihan banget sama orang-orang yang tinggal di daerah terpencil. Rumahnya jauh dari satu sama yang lain, lampu sering mati atau juga ga ada lampu sama sekali. Saya sempat lihat anak-anak belajar cuma pake obor/ lilin, sekolahnya jauh dan akses kesananya susah. Saya bingung, apa pemerintah gak pernah ya ke daerah-daerah terpencil kayak itu? Kalo pernah, seharusnya mereka tau standardisasi nilai UN untuk seluruh Indonesia itu mustahil. Gimana anak-anak yang tinggal di desa, yang sekolahnya berkilometer jauhnya dari rumah harus dapet nilai minimal 5,5 yang untuk anak kota yang ikut bimbel dan les tambahan sana-sini aja susah dapetnya?

Saya juga ngerasa miris banget kalo ngebandingin kehidupan saya dengan orang-orang itu. Bayangin ya lampu mati jam 6 sore trus hidupnya jam 9 pagi besok harinya. Dan saya ngeluh luh luh terus. Padahal kalo dipikir-pikir lagi nenek sama warga dusun lainnya setiap hari ngerasain yang kayak gitu tapi gak ngeluh? apa karena sudah biasa? mungkin. Saya narik kesimpulan sendiri kalo sebenarnya mereka ga pernah ngeluh karena seumur hidup, yang mereka tau dan rasain ya cuma itu aja; lampu hidup cuma untuk beberapa jam. Mereka belum pernah ngerasain hidup 24 jam dengan lampu, pencahayaan yang terang. Mereka ga bisa ngebandingin keadaan mereka, dimana saya, yang biasanya hidup dengan lampu 24 jam bisa ngebandingin 2 keadaan itu. Makanya saya ngeluh. Sebenarnya ini bukan alasan untuk ngeluh tapi alasan untuk lebih mensyukuri apa yang kita punya. Sebuah pelajaran.

Diatas langit masih ada langit, dibawah tanah juga masih ada lapisan bawah lainnya.

Pelelangan Ikan, Pantai Pasar Bawah Manna, Bengkulu Selatan. Pengennya sok-sok candid eh, si Bapak nengok, haha.

Love song for no one

Well, since I've been listening to his album- Room for Squares all day long, I guess I post his picture here, besides, yesterday was his 33rd birthday. So, happy belated birthday John Clayton Mayer! thank you for making great musics.

How are you? I'm okay. Mid exams, assignments, application form get me busy plus having broken laptop and computer at home making me hard to post an update. But, that way, it helps me mingle with the offline life.

//

Anyway, I love observing people and surroundings me. In year 11, I always sit near the window in the morning and observe people in or outside the school. My class was in the third floor so the views were perfect, the traffic jams, school kids running in, the policemen, everything. In year 12, I barely observe anymore cause my class is right in the corner of the first floor and you cannot see anything except a quite car park.

Now, when I'm a college student, I love to sit on the lecturer chair before the class starts and just observe around. My friends expressions are very natural, they don't know if they were being observed and I wish I can record the atmosphere.

Ahh, I really amaze how eyes work, they're like living camera to me. What are they to you?

I never taste/ try a ciggy before, I hate the smoke yet I love to see people blowing the smoke out as if they're blowing their problems, though it doesn't really have the connection. Reality sucks at the moment, well, stop the bragging. Good night.

image here

Ngelantur

from here

Satu tahun yang lalu gegap gempita
Bahagia tiada tara
Serasa gelembung hidrogen menyesaki tubuh
Ingin meledak, mendorong kesegala arah
Bergulir waktu cepat
Mendadak kehilangan arah
Memutar, ke depan, berhenti, terhenti
Gegap gempita pergi mengikuti waktu
Memori itu berwarna abu, buram
Ingin waktu diputar sesaat
Namun semua sudah terlambat
Rasa telah lenyap
Satu tahun terasa begitu cepat

- 31 Agustus 2009

Tadi waktu buka-buka file dari hardisk laptop nemu tulisan ini di draft notepad :)

Yes I do, I smell them

(source)

grr.. I want this to be in my room.
I really love books, novels, magazine, whatever you call it. I don't know why. I have something for them, to keep and own them. I have a habit of smelling book too, err.

Today's news

Let's just write a normal rant. I kinda screwed up my mid exams grrh, all blame to my own stupidity. Oh, this is just so freaking normal rant. Blrrh. Okay, aren't you sick hearing the same 'bad' news everyday? about this guy corrupt the money and then there's Mr. X and other scandal reveals, about neighbor killing each other, about college students acting anarchist, about poor people dying cause they can't afford a kilogram of rice? I hate all these news. And they even have a special program to 'investigate' all this cases. I mean, I know it's good to let the rest of the nation know that poor people need help and government's corruped, but, not ALL THE TIME! I need to hear some good news, like Indonesian students got a medal from International science competition or a beautiful concert by Indonesian people being held overseas. I mean, they only publish it for less than 2 minuets on the news.

Indonesian people need to hear some motivating news, something that make them proud to be Indonesian. Not the same bad news that's not worth being watched.

Channel Dynamics

I'm heading to a direction I don't know,
It's a blur but somehow I'm excited
I keep my enthusiasm high.
2010, is this a sign of a good start?



I hope.

We will meet on the tower

I once heard people said, "If you don't love yourself, how can others love you?". And I think it's true. But, there's a case when you love yourself but others don't? they can't take you as the way you are. You are very content and happy with yourself but others see you as a troublesome. There must be something wrong with that.

Maybe we're too in love with ourselves?
No, it isn't the reason for blocking people to see who you really are.

Another mad cow

God knows what possessed me to be a mad cow today. I am mad at everyone. Is it because of this freaking humongous zit on my nose? Okay, that's so not funny. I am utterly sad at something which I'm not really sure what. Maybe it's because I didn't get what I wanted or maybe I'm just plain sad? I don't know myself. To make things worst, I'm stuck at home 24 hours (okay, maybe 6) with my annoying youngest sister. All I want to do right now is to disappear and calm myself down. But I don't have any destinations to go to. Right, maybe I just have to wait and see what's coming up next; I burst or I calm down. Here we go the mad cow, you might probably need to step aside.

Bap bap bap

Oh no, I see,
A spider web is tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I'd said.

Oh no, what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
So I turn to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,

And I never meant to cause you trouble,
I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
And oh no, I never meant to do you harm.

Oh no, I see,
A spider web and it's me in the middle,
So I twist and turn,
Here am I in my little bubble,

Singing I, never meant to cause you trouble,
And I, never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh, no I never meant to do you harm.

They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me.

Trouble- Coldplay

Today I spent my time helping Nisa buying and assembling her new cupboard and fan for her room. She just move to the dorm, she stays with Via. Very fun lerh since we are amateurs.
,

My life is so boring, very monotone. I desperately need something new, something exciting. And this semester is very gloomy, everybody said that. What's wrong with us? Campus is not even better. I go there just to waste money and make sins by making bad remarks on anyone I see. Hmpf. I didn't mean to do that, I'm serious. And, I've been making mistakes too. Well, it means you're still living, isn't? Blame this swinging moods, erm, no wait, blame me! I belong to the productive age, but I don't produce anything while my friends busy making money with their businesses. I need to make something, ideas?

And online life is boring too, which explain my not-updating-enough and blogwalking a lot. I'm sorry. I'll relink you, sha.

That's all. I am a bore, thankyou.

Here we go, let's roll back

Sometimes, beautiful things that happened in the past make us stuck at where we are right now.
We couldn't move on cause we keep on thinking about it.

,

Then I tell myself, if it never happened, I would have been like this, I would never done this, it would never happened, and... Ahh, there just so much that need to be fixed. So much to regret. But then, when we regret we feel bad about ourselves, because things happened because we made it to happened. Now where we are right now, I feel unease. I try to blend with it but mother, it hards.

Sometimes I think the weather knows how I feel (yeah right, fida), this morning it was dark and raining. Perfect.

ahh, there we go my melancholy mood.

-






Oh hey, I keep my promise, postcard pictures! Cute eh?

fly fleance, fly!

Iedul Fitri, 2008

Yes, time does fly fast. Today is 2009.

--

I am sick with all those news on TV about terrorism. Is that really him? I just want this to be over. There's other thing I wanna see/ hear beside terrorism.

Blergh, I changed my layout again.

oh snow

(mind the title)
I got nothing to post today,
When I'm not in front of the laptop, there are dozens of ideas to be written in this blog. But when I'm trying to write them down, they disappear. Blank. I'm having one of those writer's blocks.

Fly me to the moon!
from ffound.com

changes and plans

credits: x, x, x, x, x (closed)

Man, do I love changing layout?
Trust me, it's better than changing 'url'. I've been blogging four like 4 years now? and I've changed blogs for like erm countless. I used to move everywhere from blogger to wordpress to co.nr and then get hosted. I've tried everything. But I come back to blogger. Trust me, this is the longest I've ever stayed in one blog. It nearly reaches 45 posts! woo hoo! Usually when it reaches 20 posts I move blog but this time, I think I should stop considering my age. lol. You can see my links, it never reaches up to 20 links cause when I move, I never really tell my link friends to relink me.

I read this blog's archieves and I found out I've got many plans since the beginning of the year, but then nothing really change in my life. For example, I planned to take another SNMPTN (University entrance test), I didn't do it. Why? cause I'm too lazy to study besides nobody supports me. damn it. And I planned to get back on blogskins, I didn't do it. Why? I don't have time. sht. Don't you know that when you said I don't have time it means you're lazy. Yes, I am lazy. I planned to loose weight, but I gain some instead. Very well then, I am a sucker. But then, I have another plan and it's still on progress, we'll see in the next 3 to 4 years.

O yeah, maybe some of you have already known, there's a film called '2012' or doomsday they said, about how earth and other planets destroyed. I'm not actually interested in it (haven't watch it). I was like 'it's probably a movie made by a desperate dude who's afraid of the day of judgement'. But then, I watched the news in TvOne, they were talking about the cycle of the sun, and around 2012 and 2013 the sun reaches its maximum cycle and will affect the planets nearby. And worst, they'll be destroyed because of it. Spooky hey? tobat tobat tobat

another random thought

Another bomb attack in Indonesia, another bomb attack in J.W. Marriott. And Manchester United cancelled their visit to Indonesia. They're all happened just when Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono (current president) elected to be the next president. What a contrast. Just to remind you here, in 2004 when he's elected as president months after that, around december 2004, tsunami stroke Aceh. Coincidence? Neh, question: How come everytime he won the election people die. lol. I know, I know, people do die. Old joke here, I'm just pointing out my thoughts.

Some people are laughing right now in front of their TVs watching the news. They say, "look at all those Indonesians, they're so dumb, they blame each other". And I think God laughs along with them. Last night I watch a program about how Indonesian supporters and athletes preparing the match versus MU for this Sunday, but less than 24 hours later, MU's management cancelled their visit.

Man can only plans, God works the rest.

--

I watched Harry Potter and Half-Blood Prince. It was okay, I'm not a big fan of Harry Potter.
But Rupert Grint caught me, like he always do.